Celebration of Life Family Speeches

Colleen Marie Gleason’s brothers, Michael and Blake, and parents, Mike and Christine, share their thoughts of grief and love with us. Our lives were changed from knowing Colleen and are forever changed again with Colleen’s spirit transformed.

The family speeches are in the order given.

From Michael (Colleen’s brother):

Now, as a middle child, you never like admitting that being the oldest is the most difficult, but it probably is. It comes with a lot of responsibility; for your siblings, you’re the role model and the setter of expectations; for your Mom and Dad, you're a guinea pig for their not-yet-developed parenting skills, and you're also a bit of a test run to see if they actually want to bother making any more of you. (Evidently, Colleen did great job considering Blake and I are both here).

But being the oldest is not something you choose, but something that's bestowed upon you, without ever giving you a choice. The difficulty really comes from the pressure of having to be the first to do and experience everything, good or bad:

-First to learn how to ride a bike
-First to go to school
-First to get grounded
-First to stress over an upcoming exam
-First to get caught drinking a beer while still in high school
-Wait, no that was Blake...
-First one to make Mom and Dad actually proud to say "Hey! That's my kid!” while watching you demonstrate your above-average athletic abilities at one of your organized sporting events.
-Oh, wait, that was actually Blake too...

Well, the point is, as the oldest, you're thrown into a lot of situations and forced to experience things without the benefit of a sibling having paved the way before you. Fortunately for Blake and I, we had Colleen. She was the perfect older sister because she never needed someone to show her the way, she always knew exactly what she wanted, and did what she could to achieve it.

But this brings me to one of the things I admired most about Colleen, because although the oldest she was the first to have to do a lot of things, she was also the first to choose to do a lot of things, things that very few ever choose to do. My favorite example of this probably being, back in December 2012, after over two months of being in the Cardiac ICU at Lurie's Children's hospital, waiting for her second heart transplant, Colleen got the idea to create her own holiday toy-drive for the children on the floor. This resulted in dozens of toys being gifted to the other kids on the floor that were also in the hospital for Christmas.

At the time, it didn't strike me as anything out of the ordinary, at least not for her. That's just the type of person she was, it was normalized for me. But as I've grown, I've come to realize that there aren't many people like that. There aren't many people that, put in her situation, would have been able to push aside the fact that they were dying in a hospital on Christmas and instead prioritize the happiness of others over their own.

To me, this was a great demonstration of not only how truly compassionate she was, but also her strength. Strength to continue being the person she wanted to be, without letting her shitty situation stop her. Her strength helped her deal with the day-to-day struggles that every person has to face. And more importantly, it helped her in her fight against struggles that very few had to face. But unfortunately, there were obstacles in Colleen's life that even she couldn't go at alone; the largest, obviously, being heart failure.

And while she didn't have an older sibling to show her the best way forward, she was never alone, in fact, she was far from it. What she did have, was two of the most loving and supportive teammates she could have asked for.

-- My Mom and Dad spent the last 28 years doing everything they could to keep Colleen healthy. From my mom dedicating most of her adult life to caring for her, managing her appointments and medications, and spending literally thousands of hours in hospitals for the countless doctor visits, blood tests, and surgeries that Colleen's condition required; all while still being there for her two sons whenever they needed and giving them the best childhood either could have ask for.

--Then there's my Dad, who managed to build a successful business which ensured we had the insurance and financial stability needed to cover the millions of dollars in medical costs required for Colleen's treatments, accomplishing all of this while still having the desire and energy to come home and serve as the head coach on both of his son's various little league teams throughout the years.

In many ways, I'm lucky. I'm lucky that for the majority of my life, I was too young, or at least too emotionally immature, to truly understand the gravity of Colleen's condition. I knew it was life threatening, I knew she was suffering, and I knew I wanted it to stop. But due to a combination of Colleen somehow overcoming every negative prognosis she received with a smile; and my Parents, doing what they could to maintain some form of normalcy at home, I was able to enjoy much of my younger life without feeling the true weight of her situation.

But not everyone has that luxury. They say that when your child hurts, so do you. There's no way I could know what it's like to watch my daughter go through that. And while a part of me is glad that Colleen is no longer in pain, I know that the pain of my Parents has only continued to grow. The only silver lining being, that Colleen had to get her strength from somewhere; so I couldn't think of two better individuals equipped to get through this.

I know this is Colleen's Celebration, but I don't think it's possible to speak about and celebrate her life without also celebrating you, because you both gave so much to ensure that she had the best damn time she could while she was here. And I think she'd agree with every word I just said.

So... I realize that much of what I just talked about was tied to Colleen's heart condition and the issues she dealt with as a result, but I think it's important that, maybe even just for myself, that we remember, it's not what defines her. And while I could stand here and go over the never-ending list of things she won't have the chance to do because of it, I think my time is better spent speaking to what she did and became in spite of it. Colleen was a neighbor, a coworker, a teammate, a girlfriend, a dog mom, a friend, a sister, a daughter, and so much more. For the short time she was here, Colleen lived an amazing life, surrounded by amazing family and friends (the majority of which, are here today). She got to go sky-diving, travel the world, fall in love, and experience what it's like to have real relationships with friends and family.

It's difficult to see any life that ends after almost 28 years and think anything other than, "what a shame." But I'm going to disagree. I think the fact that so many of you took the time to come here today (many even flying from thousands of miles away) really shows that she spent her life building relationships around her.

It's actually kind of funny, because as I was writing this, it reminded me of a conversation Colleen and I had about how we both thought it was weird that just because someone has passed away, people will make up some generic "nice" things to say about them at their funeral, even though in life, they may have just kinda been a dick. Maybe it was just our weird/twisted sense of humor, but it brings me joy to know that there's no way in hell, anyone could say that about what the speakers have said here today.

Thank you all very much for coming.
I love you, Colleen.

From Blake (Colleen’s youngest brother):

I want to first take a moment to thank everyone that has put their timeless effort into making this happen as well as everyone that came to show support.

I would also like to preface a few things to give myself a safety net.

• As much as I would love to pretend this is easy to throw a speech in front of hundreds of people that I know well, this may be rough

• Second, for those of you that have had the honor of working with, coaching or teaching colleen, I was simply placed too in your lives to make your life harder because she made it so easy. So don't blame it on me, I was just making up for the discrepancy.

• Lastly, I can guarantee I am going to stumble seeing so many people I know so well, so bear with me.

As many of you know and have already heard, Colleen was by far the most sincere, genuine, honest, and caring person you and I will ever know.

It's actually funny to think about the fact that she was the one that made me and my brother - In a lack of better words- look like cowards when it came to living life to the fullest and being adventurous. Whether that was pushing my dad out of a plane to skydive because I was too scared, or being the first to jump off of a 30 foot cliff in Wisconsin when I was refusing to do it (Michael was third so I still got the silver medal).

The best way to describe my sister is to put in perspective how much she went through and how she handled it.

Three different hearts with not one complaint. I complain about doing my laundry or "having to come home from the city because I have a dentist appointment." It truly makes you put things into perspective on how unfair the world can be.

But she never saw it that way. Constantly thinking positively and putting everyone else before herself. Now I’m sure this goes without saying, but for those that don't know, she was quite the badass.

In the office at G2 where she had gotten me my first interview out of college, I was always worried she would purposely mess with me and try to embarrass me, which was not the case. In a way it ended up feeling like the opposite. I needed to make sure I did my job to make sure her reputation stayed flawless. It took maybe a couple hours to realize everyone respected and almost feared her tenacity to take control.

I remember there were days where she - and I don't think anyone else in here can say they've done this - would set up under her desk and create her own little dungeon-like space while she worked. Not one bit of care towards what anyone else thought about it. I quickly realized that she knew exactly who she was and ran shit.

Being the baby of the family I was always under her wing and we were extremely close, its almost like thinking of it as Jordan, Pippen and Rodman with the siblings. She (as MJ) would make sure we were on track and keep us honest while running the show, Michael (Pippen) would be the one to help make sure I’m not being an idiot, and I (Rodman without the funky style) would push the boundaries of what was right or wrong. No matter what, Colleen had my back even when I was being a jackass.

But back to the main point of this celebration... We are here to honor my sister for being the wonderful loving badass she always was, and not ever looking at her situation as unfair or wishing it upon someone else, but to look at life as one big event to celebrate, one that she would have planned perfectly to a T.

And no offense to the ones that have helped my family plan this (and this is incredible by the way), but as her LinkedIn job title notes, she was a "Get shit Done-er" and would have probably blown the roof off this place had she planned it herself.

A quote from Andy Warhol (who I guess was an American artist, filmmaker, and other things), "The idea is not to live forever, but to create something that will." And I believe that’s exactly what my sister has done with all of us here. In some way, shape or form, Colleen has touched each and every one of our lives.

Thank you everyone for attending today’s celebration of my big sister’s life, I don’t know what everyone believes in when it comes to the afterlife, but regardless, I can tell you that as of July 27th 2020, there was a new boss in charge.

From Mike (Colleen’s father):

Thank you Jenna for speaking at this special event. Jenna was also one of the special gifted children that all went on to get 35 and 36 on the ACT test scores. She must have gotten that from me as myself and my three best friends got 36 also, an 8, 9, 9 and 10!

I took public speaking classes in college and the professor said to calm your nerves in front of an audience just imagine everyone sitting is naked! As I look around this theory may have worked if it was 40 years ago and some things you don't want to see.

Organizing this event has been a huge task for many people mostly during COVID, all the planning, zoom calls, weekend meetings, setting up the venue, speakers, menu selections and countless hours. I just wanted to thank the girls as I have never watched so many golf and fishing shows!

I still remember Christine telling me we were having a baby and I was "the father" and I couldn't believe it but after a paternity test Jerry Springer confirmed I was the father! Highest ratings ever! Boy was I in heaven! I fell in love with Colleen as fast as I did when I met Christine, I couldn't be more proud of my little girl. When we took her home she would throw up often after feeding and our doctor told us it was normal. Christine dropped me off at the airport for a business trip to Atlanta and was going right to the doctor's office after. When we got back to our room there was a message for me which was that Colleen was in trouble. I got on the next flight to get home and immediately went to the hospital and heard the bad news. I was wandering around and came across the doctor's office, he told me he had never seen a sicker child before and he was 65 yrs old. She was only 2½ weeks old and our seven day return policy was gone.

She was airlifted to Children's Memorial and we had a meeting with Dr. Pahl and her team and was told Colleen was really sick and would need a heart transplant. WOW!! We were devastated with this news.

After a few days of treatment she was much better and we left the hospital in a week's time on medication, me on valium and Christine on morphine. Within the next eight months or so she was off all medication and doing great for now. Fast forward to three years old and she needed a new heart. Hospitalized for months waiting for a donor we celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years until January 13 when we received the good news: A new heart. We left the hospital a few weeks later, stopped at Taco Bell and then home.

Thanks to Dr. Pahl and Christine's care the next years were normal with exceptions of many doctor visits and catheterizations. Colleen was a good student and the teachers loved her. She was so proud when they had parents day she would have her desk all neat and a note for us to read. Wish the neat part would have lasted longer!

She was put in the gifted program in elementary school and had all these friends that would hang together. They would have sleepovers and I would make pancakes and flip them to the girls, smart they were, athletic not so sure.

She was healthy throughout elementary and middle school where she was a middle linebacker on the basketball team! As a family, we went on many road trips, Niagara Falls Canada, Branson Missouri, Tennessee, and Mt Rushmore to see the Highwaymen (Willie Nelson, Waylon, Kris and Johnny all carved in that mountainside. RIGHT??). We went to Disney World seven times that she loved and ate with the princess, who we later found out was an art major from Kentucky! On all our road trips we stopped at every go-cart, wild west town, carnivals, no plans just fun with the family.

Colleen couldn't wait to go to high school as she loved to learn and be challenged, she also loved to read and her favorite stop was Borders to pick out six books three-inches thick to read, me a mountain bike magazine with lots of pictures. She would read a book in one day. I still have a bookmark in my Cat in The Hat book on page-3. It was in high school she decided to play tennis which was a painful sport to watch, quiet please, 2-hour game to 21 ouch. But it was amusing to see her play and see her big smile.

Then she comes home and says she is going to try out for cheerleading having never done it before. But was on the squad for all four years and loved it, again real fun to watch her. She was always cheering on the boys in whatever sport they were in at the time and boy was that fun to watch. They would make it seem like they didn't even know her.

When she turned 15, I bought her a new Prius so she could practice to get her license. When she was 17, I bought her a new hood and fender; at 18, I got her a new rear bumper; 20, a new front bumper and headlights. So I feel I bought her two new cars, one piece by piece!

Colleen always had an angle when the conversation would start with "Hey Dad, I have a great idea" and I would have to be on my guard. You can go fishing while me and Mom go shopping or, we can sell this and get me a new CRV. She knew a sucker when she saw one, me.

She was an adventurer and loved bike rides, boating and kayaking. I got her one like mine. We would go to Busse Woods, and she would take pictures, and I would fish. But she wouldn't take a picture of my fish due to cruelty to fish. Boy was she mad when I threw it in her kayak. Fun times always. She loved our pool and the pool parties we would have along with the boat, and tubing up north, or just hanging on the boat at the playpen on Lake Michigan. Once we were in the water—68 degrees—and Michael talked Colleen into jumping in for $5; man, her face could tell the story when she hit the water. Brrrrr.

Colleen was definitely an adrenaline junkie and loved any roller coaster, Disney, Universal, Branson, Busch Gardens, Great America, Wisconsin Dells, or the king of all, Cedar Point. She loved every one of them as I did.

She decided to move to California for a new job at age 24 by herself and decided to move back in a year because she missed her family and her book collection. Cost me $4,000 for the ride home, but I was glad she was home too. She was an amazing girl. Colleen was good with her money but much better with mine. She would say, “Dad, want to see what you got me when shopping with Mom.” All I could do was laugh and not ask prices.

Colleen was a great organizer and always made every holiday or birthday special, you name it she was in 100%. She always cared for less fortunate people which is why she was so involved in so many charities, never worrying about herself, but everyone else first. Through all this diversity and setbacks she graduated, helped the homeless, and helped me get on the computer. Everyone in the family loved practical jokes; and unfortunately, Christine was the best victim to pull pranks on. Colleen would go with the flow, but sometimes stick up for Mom.

Christine and I were looking at winter homes in Florida, and Colleen was so happy for us. She would say “Dad, you and Mom deserve this as you have worked hard.” She was looking forward to having a New Year’s Eve party with her friends and sorority sisters after we moved in.

In Colleen's room, I found a card for my birthday which was in a few days after she passed, and I'm sure she was planning something for it. That was a sad find.

I could go on for another 27 years about how much I loved Colleen, but we don't have the time. What I do have is a beautiful wonderful caring wife, and two wonderful boys who I love and am so proud of, and a lifetime of memories with my Bubba I'll cherish forever.

When she was turning 18, she said she was going skydiving, and I signed us both up. We went out there as a family and waited five hours for our turn to jump out of a perfectly good plane. We went to 19,000 feet, and Colleen couldn't wait to jump out. I almost passed out from fear, but it turned out to be an experience I would never have done without her. Dr. Pahl had to be horrified when she saw Colleen's pictures!

College years were great at Illinois Wesleyan with the sorority she joined, Gamma Lamma Ding Dong, where she met a bunch of new friends and volunteered for everything. She never drank or got in trouble; that's why we had Blake and Michael, to even things out. Had another setback when she was 20 and in need of another heart transplant. That is when Dr. Pahl made sure she got to stay at Children’s due to her age. This is also when she met Dr. Thrush, who would turn out to be a formidable foe for Colleen with practical jokes daily. She amazed me how she handled it with let's get this party started, and again we wait. Another Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year, and a new heart was ready to work.

Friends and family will ask if I'm ok, and I'll say I'm fine so they don't feel bad, as I have so many great people who care. The truth is I'll never be ok; I'll still stop on the way to work and call Colleen's cell so I can hear her voice, cry for a couple of minutes and think of something funny we did, laugh, and go to work. As Colleen would always say to Blake, suck it up buttercup!!

Finally, heart transplantation is an option which not everyone takes, as it is a financial burden, big commitment and a strong family is needed. Luckily I married the most loving and organized person who was up every day at 6am to give Colleen medications and make all the doctor visits leaving home at 5am to go to Children’s. For us, it was a no-brainer, and I wouldn't give up the 27 wonderful years with this amazing person for anything. I love you, Colleen, Forever.

From Christine (Colleen’s mother):

I wasn't ready to say goodbye, not even close. Not physically, not mentally, not emotionally, not socially. Never in my lifetime was I ready to lose my baby girl. In the wake of sudden death, normal ceases to exist. Nothing will ever be the same.

When Colleen was born, as my first and only daughter, I envisioned days filled with playing dress up, tea parties, Barbies, dance recitals, crying as I dropped her off to college, planning a huge wedding, and watching my daughter become a mother. Although some of these dreams can never come to fruition, I was blessed and honored being called mom by Colleen for wonderful 27 years.

It all began when Colleen was six weeks old. Mike and I followed an ambulance to Children's Memorial in Chicago as her only hope for survival was a heart transplant. My whole world collapsed. From that moment on, Colleen and I became a powerhouse team. In true Colleen nature, she defied all odds, and we were able to defer her heart transplant until the still very tender age of three.

When it finally came time to wait for her first heart transplant, Colleen handled the four-month hospital stay like a warrior. I could not be prouder as her mom. This was now our new world and we took it on together in stride.

Colleen lived a full life after receiving her new heart in 1996. We treated her as normal as possible, allowing her to participate in whatever she wished. And you all know, there was simply no holding back this determined little girl. I am grateful for the relatively "normal” life she was able to live from age 3 to 20, although life after transplant is a whole different ballgame! Colleen was always in the game, never ever waiting on the sidelines.

During her sophomore year of college, Colleen became extremely ill and ultimately needed another heart transplant. Sadly, she had to leave college and start another long wait in the hospital. She celebrated her 20th birthday in the hospital- and you guessed it-still a smile on her beautiful face. For Halloween, Colleen dressed up as the steroid prednisone, a drug she despised because of the side effects of weight gain and moon face. This was much to the delight of other patients, doctors, and nurses who stopped by to see this patient with such a big personality and radiating positivity.

You have heard previous speakers from some of the wonderful organizations Colleen was involved in when she passed away. Colleen's entire wait at Lurie's, she was always patient, kind, positive, and thinking of others. One of her personal quotes from her own CaringBridge journal was "This world is beautiful, full of wonderful people and I wish others got to see it from the same view as I do." This quote comes from a woman who had to leave college and wait for someone else to have a tragedy and loss so she could continue living. She struggled with this so deeply. We all did... What could be more bittersweet than a transplant?

Colleen was always polite to those who cared for her... Can you imagine the countless nurses she had! Even when there was bad news or trying, tough days, Colleen managed to find strength in her weakness. On January 16th, we got the news of a new heart for Colleen. She immediately asked us all to pray for the donor and their family. She was keenly aware of the fact that our joy was another family's utter devastation.

Colleen had a lot of ups and a whole lot of downs too. Her release was delayed a few times, which was pulverizing. But, when she was finally discharged, she was off and running! I mean ...seven months post-heart transplant #2, she was jumping out of a plane for the adrenaline rush in the name of living life to the fullest. Importantly, but maybe less exhilarating... Colleen had to come home and finish her degree at North Central College. Even with all the hardships after a transplant, the multiple catheterizations, and constant clinic visits that nobody else had to endure... Incredibly, Colleen graduated with her Bachelor of Arts in Sociology.

She lived the next seven years full of life. To say I am in awe of her attitude, strength, and resilience is a huge understatement. Throughout her entire life, she faced many hardships, letdowns, canceled trips, canceled study abroad in Italy, and struggles. But Colleen took on life as if every day was a gift. We all did. For her, each day truly was. She battled her life tirelessly with never a single day taken for granted. She expressed gratitude for the opportunity to live because she was always reminded of her gift of life.

She was the definition of "paying it forward." For her 21st birthday, she performed 21 acts of kindness for total strangers. With her health conditions, drinking with friends for a "typical" 21st birthday was just not an option, but she didn't mind. Complaining was never an option. One of her favorite sayings was, "We don't always get what we want but consider this, there are people who will never have what you have right now."

She was in love with life and found the utmost beauty in things others may find mundane, or even frightening, such as a horrific hospital gown. Yikes! Not even that could bring her down as she effortlessly modeled her gown and made a photoshoot out of it. I was the first to be graced with these photos as her mother and it always brought a smile to my face. Colleen understood that happiness is found in each present moment, never in wishing for the past or harboring anxiety for the future.

My whole world from day one was keeping my baby girl alive and giving my boys a happy, normal life. Colleen and I did not have a customary mother/daughter relationship. I slept and stayed at the hospital for her first transplant for four months straight. For her second transplant stay, I drove downtown every day. Throughout her 27 years, I only missed one catheterization. I was at every MRI, CT scan, clinic visit, surgery, and for a very long time, we even met for a blood draw.

Colleen dreaded "opsies" as she called caths with biopsies. I made every downtown visit a Mom & Me day. We would have teas and lunches at America Girl, Grand Lux, and shop on Michigan Avenue. Unfortunately for her dad, this just may be why our baby girl gained a desire for the finer things in life... Tiffany and Co? Nordstrom? Louis Vuitton which she pronounced Lus Vitton, that’s how young she was. We had hospital rituals others would think were crazy. But little did they know, we knew how to make the best of it. We made our own fun.

I would feel guilty because I gave Colleen this frightening, dire disease. She would comfort me and say, "Mom, I wouldn't change a thing. This disease made me who I am and our relationship so extremely special and different. Think of all the time we get to spend together. No other mother/daughter relationship can come close to ours. It is a good thing we get along so well and we both can handle whatever is thrown at us together."

We had a few sayings: "you and me, me and you," "we don't worry until we are positive we have something to worry about,” and our favorite "we got this." We actually looked forward to catheterizations and clinic visits because it meant a day together.

I will forever be grateful we got to spend a European vacation together. Colleen planned every minute of that trip. Just a girl and her mom on the trip of a lifetime. To end it with an evening at Moulin Rouge in Paris was a night I will forever treasure and it was simply magical. Colleen was extremely weak on that trip, and I was terrified, but I am grateful we did it as it was a dream come true for Colleen.

I will forever miss our afternoon teas. We never did get to finish all of them in downtown Chicago; I am so very sorry, baby girl. We tried. I will forever miss her surprises like the time she gave me tickets to see Jon Bon Jovi 10th row in Detroit because for some reason I missed him in Chicago the night before. Colleen bought us airfare, a beautiful hotel, a magnificent dinner, and 10th-row tickets because she knew I do not go beyond 10th row! Or the time she bought Luke Bryan tickets because I was in Cabo when they went on sale. To my surprise, they ushered us to the first row at Wrigley Field. I was so excited until I realized she had used my American Express!

Colleen always made a big deal out of Mother's Day and my birthday. She would give me three to four cards, and in them she would write the most beautiful words that brought tears to my eyes every time. Last year she made me a full completely homemade Italian meal with a yummy cake for Mother's Day.

Speaking of last year - for Mike and my 30th wedding anniversary - our family had planned to celebrate in Hawaii. With the pandemic, this was sadly not a possibility, but Colleen would not let it flop! She orchestrated the most thoughtful vow renewal ceremony, which she informed us of the night before! She picked out six different dresses for me, had a beautiful archway for the ceremony, catered from one of my favorite restaurants, and ordered a lovely cake. Most special of all, she officiated our vow renewal—a memory I will treasure forever. Colleen cherished the closeness and love of our Gleason-5. She wanted to honor it by celebrating where it all began—the union of Mike and I.

I miss our every Wednesday night fresh homemade pasta nights. I miss going to and watching Cubs games. The Sunday night before the Monday morning she passed away, we ordered Chinese food and watched the Cubs beat Milwaukee 9-1. I miss our shopping trips that always ended with an excellent restaurant.

Colleen always said, "Mom you are my best friend and my best shopping partner." I always joked that was because I paid for everything! She insisted it was because I was the most fun and was always honest about how things looked. Colleen also always said, "I know people will think this is weird, but I want you to be my maid of honor." She meant it. And I would give anything to be honoring that wish. But most of all, I miss Colleen's daily texts and calls. Her just telling me about her life, no matter how big or small. I will admit when I answered with "hi baby girl" and she replied, "So I have an idea..." I knew either I was going to be put to some task, or it was going to cost me money!

As Colleen quarantined with Mike and I the last four months of her life, I am grateful to have had the extra time with her. Even though she was extremely ill and weak, there was always cooking, baking, TV, online shopping, puzzles, and getting prepared for another long hospital stay for another heart transplant. Her brothers came home every weekend to play games and for a wonderful dinner.

Colleen was struggling immensely with the fact that she had been blessed with two gifts of life by two heart transplants. And there were others that needed their first. She struggled with whether or not she was worthy of getting a third ahead of them. This is not something any human should bear the mental torture and guilt. This is what I am most proud of... My baby girl was the most selfless person on earth.

She spent the last ten years or so of her life giving to others and striving to help others have better lives. I am, and forever will be, honored to have been her mom. We can all learn how to be a better person from the example Colleen left. Treat others with compassion and empathy. Remain true to yourself in trying times as Colleen did, and I am trying to do now.

My world will never be the same without my baby girl. I dedicated every single day to keeping her alive while giving my boys a happy normal life. Colleen is physically gone. I ache for her hugs. I am lost without her advice. I miss her laughter. I yearn to see that gorgeous smile. I long for her acts of kindness that simply no one can replace.

The only peace of mind I have is knowing Colleen is limitless now with no more physical pain or suffering. I am positive she is running things perfectly up in heaven. She is not gone, just transformed. May she be like the wind to us all, unseen but always felt.

Colleen's essence was pure goodness, and the world simply could no longer give her all she deserved. May we all remember her humor and infectious smile and laugh. A piece of my heart is missing now. My grief will never end, but it is the price of love and having my baby girl for 27 years. I will manage my grief in exchange for that gift. I will learn how to create a new life while honoring her past. I am forever changed.

Colleen has taught me so much. May you all know every day is a gift. I urge you to understand what truly is important. May you live each day as Colleen did. One of her favorite quotes was, "Even when today was a bad day, you get to reset tomorrow and turn a fresh page.” This is what I remind myself of on the really labored and toilsome days; because if Colleen was able to say it, and she did often, then I certainly can.

Nobody will ever understand the immense gravity of my loss, but I will live every day trying to live as Colleen did. Her ultimate goal and dream was to run her own nonprofit. I never imagined I would be fulfilling her dream for her. But I am honored to do it on her behalf. And I know Colleen is looking down on me and cheering me on. I will do my best to make her half as proud of me as I was of her.

I mourn the loss of my daughter even though I know she will always be in my heart. I do not see as well as I used to. I do not hear as well as I used to. I would be better off without a hand or a leg than without my daughter. We have all lost Colleen, but I have lost a part of myself. How lucky am I to have had something that makes saying goodbye so excruciatingly hard?

Colleen is gone, but I will never allow her memories to fade. I will keep them very much alive and cherished. I will rebuild my life as she would implore me to do. I will carry on without my best friend, but I will carry on as if she is walking beside me, guiding me and giving me the strength to continue just as she would want.

I love and miss you, baby girl, but with you alive in my heart - WE GOT THIS.

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